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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27347086">Movies don't care about your feelings - but I do</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RammBook/pseuds/Be-morbidly-chill'>Be-morbidly-chill (RammBook)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek &amp; Paul/Levenson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bi Heidi Hansen, Canon Compliant, Evan is pretty much just a plot device sorry dude, Fluff, Gen, I wrote this instead of studying, Queer Jared Kleinman, Questioning your sexuality, The boys are like 14, implied Homophobia from Jareds parents, it's about the bonding between Heidi and Jared okay, like you can see it as such or just not lmao, technically, you could argue that Jared has a crush on Evan but honestly I tried to keep it more general</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:15:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,787</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27347086</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RammBook/pseuds/Be-morbidly-chill</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Heidi comes home from work, spends time with Evan and Jared and has an interesting conversation with the latter.</p><p>Aka Heidi and Jared bond and figure out some things about each other.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan Hansen &amp; Heidi Hansen, Heidi Hansen &amp; Jared Kleinman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Movies don't care about your feelings - but I do</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Heyoo!<br/>Heidi is underrated and I am sad the only Heidi and Jared interaction got cut so I wrote this. Instead of studying, my grades will thank me.</p><p>Once again, I didn't put any physical description alluding to certain actors (or actress in Heidis case), so feel free to imagine whoever you prefer.</p><p>It's mostly domestic fluff with some implied homophobia, but nothing bad, I promise, here's no triggering content to be found (at least I think so, but if I am wrong, feel free to tell me!</p><p>Thank you to my dear friend <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_new_recruit/profile">a_new_recruit</a> aka <a href="http://almost-hopeless.tumblr.com">almost-hopeless</a> for beta reading and in general for being awesome!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s dark outside when Heidi comes home, darker than she’d wanted it to be. At least the sun hasn’t completely disappeared, she comforts herself. And she’s earlier than she’s been the past few weeks, so there’s that.</p><p>She knows Evan is still awake because the lights are on and she hears his voice as she opens up the door. She only catches the end of a sentence, the last syllables of a sentence. </p><p>Hopefully, he’s eaten something. Lately, he forgets to a lot.</p><p>The door clicks as it falls shut behind her and only now does she hear another familiar voice. Right, Jared is staying for a sleepover, that’s one of the reasons she wanted to cut her shift short.</p><p>“I’m home,” she calls out, dropping her keys in the bowl on the commode in the hallway, a loud sound in the otherwise quiet house. Her feet feel heavy as she walks to the doorway of the living room. She wonders if the dumplings in the freezer have surpassed their best before date yet. “Have you guys eaten already?” She’s standing in the doorway, slipping out of her shoes as she leans against it. She’s yearning for her fuzzy socks, but she knows she’ll have to do laundry first.<br/>
Evan and Jared are sitting on the couch, both huddled under a blanket. Evans is the one with the flowers she bought on a garage sale a few years ago and Jareds the one with the fish that she’s pretty sure he once forgot but now always uses when he’s over.</p><p>“Yup,” Jared answers when Evan doesn’t, grinning at her when she looks at him. He might have started puberty not too long ago, but despite his dropping voice, his grin is still the same it used to be. It’s cheeky and boyish, even if his face is slowly losing its childlike form. It’s comforting how familiar it is, how some things never change, even if others do.</p><p>By now, she’s known him for years, so fondness lights up her insides, hustling aside the guilt over being late.</p><p>Her gaze glides over to her son, who in comparison looks nervous, giving off the feeling of someone who just got caught, although she knows by now that it means he’s relaxed, not as antsy as he was that morning. He’d been agitated and even staying five minutes longer with him hadn’t helped any to calm him down like it usually does. </p><p>“Hey,” he says, accompanied by a timid wave, small smile on his lips. She’s glad he’s doing better now.</p><p>“That’s great,” Heidi replies, some of that gratitude bleeding into her words. She loves seeing them have fun together, no matter if it’s a sleepover or a day in the park. They’re good for each other, she thinks. Evan seems to feel relatively at peace with Jared, which is still something that’s rare enough these days and she hears a lot of laughter from both of them when she happens to overhear them. </p><p>They’re good kids and Heidi thinks that with the cards that they have been dealt, especially lately, they deserve to have some moments of unrestrained happiness and fun. She knows finals have been stressful for them and with the added pressure of highschool drama, who is she to stop them from having a good time?</p><p>Which is why she doesn’t comment on the opened bags of chips and sweets and the empty soft drink bottles surrounding the small table in front of them.</p><p>“We,” Evan starts, without looking at her, pointing at a box on it, “We still have some leftovers. If you want.” The offer is tempting, it’s pepperoni. Her favorite. It would be so easy to sit down, take a piece and relax, but she can’t. </p><p>There’s laundry to be done, a fridge to be cleaned and bills to be paid, all the annoying little tasks that never stop coming but nonetheless need to get done.</p><p>“I really should-” she begins, but doesn’t get farther as Evan interrupts her. Even though he hates interruptions, from others but also from him.</p><p>“You could, you could sit with us for a bit,” he suggests, stumbling over his words. He’s fiddling with the hem of his shirt, his gaze fixated at some point on the ground. Quieter, he adds, “You haven’t done that in a while…” It really has been a while, hasn’t it? Nearly all of her shifts have been longer this month and the fact that there’s so much housework to be done is a testament to how much she was gone. </p><p>Isn’t that what every teenager wants? An empty house so they can do everything they want to?<br/>
Heidi vividly remembers her own parents, how her mother always butted in, even if it was unwanted. She could never quite scrub the embarrassment of it from the memories with her friends. She doesn’t want to be like that.</p><p>“Oh no, I don’t want to interrupt your boy time, I know it’s lame when Moms just come and join in.” Evans shoulders slump.<br/>
“Oh,” he breathes out. </p><p>“But you’re like… a cool mom,” Jared says. “Cool moms are always allowed to join.” He’s patting the couch next to him and Heidi takes a tentative step forward, her body protesting the movement. She really does need a break.</p><p>“I can probably spare a few minutes,” she gives in, as Evan shuffles to the left and Jared to the right so there’s space in between them. “Alright what are we watching?” Evan hands her the pizza box as Jared passes her an unopened bottle of coke.</p><p>“<em>Before You Know It</em>,” he answers, reaching for the remote.</p><p>“It’s an uh, Documentary?” Evan says, shuffling closer to her, draping part of his blanket over her. She opens her arm as an invitation to cuddle that he carefully takes. She screws open her bottle.</p><p>“The one with the gay elders?” She takes a sip. She doesn’t remember coke being that sweet. Evan hums like a happy cat and snuggles closer as Jared stiffens. He also hums, but it sounds different. Like he’s agreeing but disagreeing at the same time. She puts the bottle aside. If she didn’t know any better, she’d say he’s <em> afraid </em>, but there’s nothing he has to be afraid of. Is it because it’s a movie that’s intended for adults? Based on what she’s heard, she didn’t think there’d be anything too inappropriate in it.</p><p>“I guess we can watch something else,” he says when she stays silent and everything about it screams that he’s uncomfortable. The biggest tell is that he chews on his lip for one second before glancing away. His face looks like it did three years ago when he’d lied and pretended not to know who ate the last cookie; Guilty.</p><p>Somehow she feels like she did back then, like it’s important and if she messes this up he’ll never trust her again. She strokes Evans back. She can’t mess this up, but how can she succeed when she doesn’t even know what <em> it </em> is supposed to be?</p><p>Oh</p>
<p><br/>
“There’s nothing wrong with watching a movie about old gay people into the middle of the night on a friday.” Jared's parents are strict with their bedtimes, but she figures it’ll be okay, it’s just for one night. One night won’t hurt. “Can one of you summarize what happened so far?”</p><p>She takes a piece of pizza and next to her, Jared’s shoulders relax and he settles into the back of the couch. Evan sighs blissfully in her arms and she takes another sip. She didn’t even realise how badly she needed a break like this.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>"Do you need a ride home, Jared?" Heidi asks after breakfast when he's sitting on the ground, putting on his shoes. Breakfast had been a comfortable affair, pleasant even. Peaceful. She'd made pancakes with fruit and they'd talked about sweet nothings as the rain outside provides a calming ambiance.</p><p>It didn't take too long, but all of them woke up later than usual, so they were in a rush to clean up so Jared could collect his things to go home. Not that she's complaining, she's pretty sure it's exactly what she needed. At least it feels like it.</p><p>"Ah, no, I can just walk," he replies, tying his shoelaces in messy loops.</p><p>"Don't be silly, just let me drive you, it's no big deal." Boys and their pride, she thinks, fondly. She was pretty prideful at his age too, although she likes to think she was still responsible.</p><p>"Alright then. Thank you, Mrs. Hansen." He gets up as he speaks, shouldering his bag. Heidi slips into her shoes and grabs her jacket.</p><p>"I'm going to be right back," she addresses Evan who lingers next to his room. "I might get some groceries on the way home, do you need anything?" He shakes his head, so she simply presses a kiss onto his forehead. "If you think of something, just call me. Or text me or whatever."</p><p>"Okay," he replies, perhaps a bit somber. He's probably still sleepy.</p><p>"I love you."</p><p>"Love you too, mom." She smiles at him and he smiles back. She turns around and takes the umbrella Jared offers her. </p><p>Jared who awkwardly loiters next to the door. Right, the door. Heidi grabs her keys and pulls up the zipper. "Are you ready to go?" It's more a reflex than anything else, but she figures if it works for Evan, it'll work for Jared too. After all, with him she always has to check twice and make extra sure he is prepared. </p><p>"Ready, set and ready to go," he reports loudly, mocking a salute in an exaggerated gesture. She laughs, subdued but thoroughly delighted.</p><p>"Well then, after you, general," she says, swinging the door open, holding the umbrella so he can stand under it. He salutes once more, cackling as he does.</p><p>"Did you have a good time?" She's aiming for some light small talk, trying to end his visit on a good note. She closes the door.</p><p>"Yeah," he says, nodding. "Yeah, I did." His fingers are grasping the straps of his backpacks as they stand close so she can check the mailbox. She pulls out the letters, but none of them are important enough to require immediate attention.</p><p>"That's nice," she replies, a bit distracted as she closes it again, leaving the letters inside for later. </p><p>They're silent.</p><p>In fact they're silent the whole way to the car and they're silent when she unlocks his door and stands for a moment to protect him from the rain and they're silent when she climbs inside.</p><p>He starts talking when Heidi has shaken out the umbrella and closed her car door.</p><p>"Evan misses you," he says, just as she is buckling her seatbelt. It sounds determined, like he's planned this out carefully. Considering he only mentioned it when there was no chance of Evan overhearing them, maybe he did.</p><p>It's not going to be relaxing small talk then, alright okay. She can deal with that.</p><p>Not that she <em> wants </em>to in particular, but there are lots of things she's done for Evan no matter how she felt so this is only another instance of that. Besides, she's had her break, so this is probably as good as it's going to get.</p><p>She starts the car before responding.</p><p>"Oh, he told you that?" She wonders if they talked about it before she came home or after they were lying in bed. </p><p>"Kinda," he replies and she glances over as she stops at a stop sign. Once again, she's reminded of how young he is, barely having started puberty. It's bizarre to think that one day he will tower over her. He squirms, flicking the back of his backpack. "Well, he didn't <em> say </em> anything, but you know how he gets." She stays silent. "Like he was just off the whole time. He wanted to put on some show from the eighties instead of a horror movie so you'd stay with us. Like he made our whole meeting about you and I don't think he even noticed it." She hums thoughtfully as she turns. It makes sense, looking back at it. Evan had been moody all week and yesterday morning almost clingy. It explains why he went so far as to interrupt her. She's really not been at home a lot, she'd known that, but hearing it like that is still a bit like a slap in the face. Or a wake-up call.</p><p>Evan hadn't wanted to tell her, probably because he feels guilty so easily, even if he asks for necessities. And she knows that, knows it better than anyone else and still, she had brushed it off until- </p><p>Oh.</p><p>"And here I was, thinking I was a cool parent," she sighs, but she's rather relieved. It's good to know that parents being uncool is a universal experience. </p><p>"You are!" She laughs at how desperate it sounds, panicked even. There's a small pause before he adds, "Relatively speaking of course." Laughter spills from her lips again, the quip having taken her by surprise.</p><p>"I know what that means," she says. Not at all but at least there are people who are worse than her. She sure needs to at least not fail at one thing in life. It's not what she wanted to succeed in but hey.</p><p>"I'll take it." Now that she's grinning, she doesn't want it to stop. She can't remember the last time she smiled this much with someone her age.</p><p>There's a soft thump that means his head has hit the window, probably trying to deduce if they're close to his home yet.</p><p>"We should be there in about five minutes," she says and his head snaps in her direction until he sinks back in his seat. "I was serious," Jared protests, catching her by surprise. "Just for the record." He'd sounded so sincere too. He's tapping on the car door with his knuckle, the sound of it something she's come to expect from him. It's a steady rhythm and she wonders if he's even aware he's doing it. She takes a left turn. </p><p>His whole body language screams regret and he looks like he'd rather be anywhere but here. She wonders what's changed.</p><p>"Yeah?" she replies, keeping her tone light. "How so?" He stays quiet, so she tries again, holding at a stoplight. "Come on, now you have to tell me!" She nudges his shoulder with her own and hopes he knows he can say no. She'd tried to make sure he does. It's not like she isn't curious, but his comfort is more important than her pride. He stays silent. The tapping intensifies as he's clearly thinking it over, under and sideways. Heidi is opening her mouth to tell him it's okay, but he beats her to it. </p><p>"My parents don't let me watch <em> Before You Know It. </em> But you do. So." He's trailing off and the puzzle pieces click into place. It's like there'd always been more between the lines but she wasn't wearing reading glasses but now she does and everything is crystal clear all of a sudden. </p><p>Before, she had to squint to see the outlines, now she can see the entire picture. </p><p>This time, she knows her goal, but she isn't sure if he wants her to know.</p><p>"You know, when I was your age <em> The Bitter Tears Of Petra From Kant </em> just came out and I was obsessed with it. So much so that my parents banned it from our house. I had to watch it at a friends house until I got tired of it." They're in his street now, he must see it too. She has to wrap this up. "I guess what I'm saying is you can always watch <em> Before You Know It </em>at our place. Anytime you want. Or if there's any other movie you like you can also watch it. If you want." She's parking the car as close to Jared's house as she can, despite the rain having subdued by now. "In fact, our house is always open to you. No matter what." </p><p>"Cool," Jared says, completely neutral as he unbuckles his seatbelt. The tapping has stopped a long time ago. "Thanks for the ride." It feels like it isn't just the ride he's thanking her for. She gave an answer thats as close to perfect as she can manage. She smiles at him when he leaves the car and runs up to his house. She might imagine it, but it seems like there's a skip to his step when he does. She hopes he'll take her up on her offer.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>You can either see it as canon divergent or compliant, honestly I don't know I just wrote it because I crave interactions between them. </p><p>Hope you enjoyed it, feel free to leave me a comment if you've noticed any mistakes!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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